Lieutenant's Log # 4

February 16, 2017

Lieutenant's Log # 4

 My first band cruise experience was a trio. Piano, bass and voice.  The band was great.

This time the line up is piano, voice and saxophone. I've worked with the pianist (Doru) in the previous line up. No bass?  Doru and I were both unnerved at the thought. However Doru, the pro that he is, figured out how to make it work using backing tracks minus piano.  It's different, but it works if you know how.  So Choko's saxophone was a nice touch.  Choko himself is a great musician, and hard not to really like as a person. I'm actually playing a lot more guitar than before, mainly because the ship has upgraded their monitor system. Now the acoustic guitar sounds great. 

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Knowing that I haven't been singing much these days, I was very nervous about my voice, having to sing five sets a night and seven nights a week. Fortunately, I quickly remembered and adjusted to the softer singing style which I actually prefer. It's more musical and lyrical. My voice likes it.  I recalled a few tips I learned from the one of the ship's show-group singers two years ago. From baking soda to "TMRG (Voice Solution)", I came prepared. 

 

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Last night was awkward. There are chairs placed around the grand piano which puts people up close to the band. Sometimes too close.

It's not so bad when women are seated or couples, but when a gang of men are seated up close, it's ... weird. That was the case last night.  

The piano is designed so that drinks can be placed on top of it or on the shelf made around it.  I stand on the side of the piano.  Last night I had my usual water, tea and not so usual, two cookies near me.  An adorable Norwegian (I'll call him Sven) became enamored with alcohol and the band. Through the evening he became enamored with me. Eventually, he nabbed a chair right next to me, expressing his love for me, grabbing my hand. I was hoping someone from the staff would intervene.  Then Sven helped himself to my glass of water AND my tea.

"Would you like a cookie?"  "No thank you."     Well, it's only the beginning.

Lieutenant's Log # 3

February 15, 2017

Lieutenant's Log # 3

 I quickly indulged in my favorite pastime when in Kiel, which is going to "Grossman's", the area's version of CVS Drugs in the US. I had to replace the deodorant I purchased at home. It's amazing all the fancy deodorant items you can buy. The packaging and marketing is impressive, although I think there are way too many choices. I decided to try Mennen's (I think) 'Extra Fresh'. It was in a great looking box. When I got around to using it, I noticed that the smell was familiar but horrible. I recognized the scent but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then it hit me. It smells like Upstate, NY horse manure. There's no mistaking it. So I've been walking around on the ship smelling like horse crap. I'll say one thing, the smell was most certainly 'Extra Fresh.'      

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  It was arranged that I would board the ship a day early before my contracted schedule. So the agency put me up in a passengers cabin for a day.   As you'd expect, the passenger cabins are extremely nice compared to the spartan, efficient cabins of the staff.  On my first trip, I thought the cleaning staff had forgotten to put a shower curtain in the rather small bathroom.  Nope. The toilet is inches away from the shower. So yes, the toilet gets wet when you shower. 

I don't mean to be gross, but there's nothing like being able to take a dump while showering at the same time.  Yes I know, that sentence could have been prettier.

 

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 In theory, after ten weeks I should be in much better shape than I am at the moment.  

 The last two days have been exhausting. My cabin is on the third level.  You can only get to it via stairs. The "mess (cafeteria)" and crew area is on the fifth level.  I have to go to the mess area to gain access to those particular stairs to the third level. The performance room is on the promenade, seventh level.  So several times a day it's up and down the stairs, back and forth across the promenade. From the fifth level I can use the elevator to the promenade, but I'm trying not to. If I can just control the urge to eat 24/7, I should be in good shape by the end of my contract.  

Lieutenant's Log #2

                                                                     February 13, 2017

                                                                    Lieutenant's Log #2

Well I'm back aboard the cruise ship. It was fortunate to run into "Choko", the band saxophonist. I arrived at the terminal about 10:30am. We couldn't board the ship until 1pm. So there was a lot of time to kill which was great, because hauling my bags from the hotel to the terminal was indeed a workout. Sitting down was a great idea.

 Choko is from Bulgaria. As I was walking into the terminal, he recognized me from the internet. He's tall and looks like Colin Hay from "Men At Work."  From my observation, men from Eastern Europe make the best looking B-movie bad guys. Their faces usually have so much character. Like a lot musicians on cruise ships, Choko has been working on ships for decades. A veteran for sure. 

We talked for quite a bit. Well I should say, I listened for quite a bit. Even though I could hardly understand a word he was saying, his stories seemed fascinating. At least if I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. Interestingly every story ended with someone dying. To be fair, he's older than me by 11 years, so I suppose he's very acquainted with mortality tales.  

This band is going to be extremely different than the last group. It's still a trio, but there's no bassist. I have no idea why there would be no bassist and no idea what to expect. Couple that with the fact that not only do I have a hard time understanding Choko,  I also have a hard time understanding "Doru" the pianist. He's from Romania. They both have very thick accents. The only language we have in common is music. I hope we're all fluent. 

*I can't think of the last time that I was the youngest person in the band.  :)

Lieutenant's Log #1

February 12, 2017

Lieutenant's Log # 1

Tomorrow I embark on the Color Line cruise ship. I arrived in Kiel yesterday. It feels good being back in Germany, at least in Kiel. From what I read, there's a lot of turmoil east of here. However, I'm very comfortable here in Kiel. Yes, I could live here. 

The flight from Toronto was longer than I remember. "How was the flight?" Well, no one booed when we landed. Sometimes I wonder why people applaud when the plane lands. Isn't that what the plane is suppose to do?  I hope I'm never on a plane when people are booing. 

The plane landed in Hamburg. I took a bus from Hamburg to Kiel. Fortunately, the Hotel booked was walking distance from the bus stop. I'm carrying two cases, my guitar on my back and a portfolio.  One of the tricky parts of this gig is the amount of clothes I have to bring. Performing in the "jazz room" requires me to dress nice every night. Not that I mind, but how am I going to carry all those clothes. Band mate from my first cruise ship experience, sent me a YouTube link on packing a ton of clothes in a smallish case. That was super helpful. If you're curious take a look.

 Packing Clothes...

 

The hotel is right along the port. You can see the ships outside the window. It's a nice hotel and it's a great precursor to the ship adventure. Sans luxury.  My room is remarkably similar to the "ensign's quarters" from my first trip.  Uncomfortable looking beds that are shockingly comfortable. Terrible internet and exceptional food.  Tomorrow begins the adventure as I haul my bags from the hotel to the ship. A mild work out.  

  

  

Smile, You're On Rachet Camera

I think one of the worst things that have befallen black people is the cellphone with a camera. On one hand we continually cry victimhood and yes, there's plenty camera proof of bad cops, but those numbers are nothing compared to the extraordinary, exponential number of videos displaying how violent, out of control, and yes, even savage we have become, especially to our own people. No, the white man didn't make or edit these videos. We, black folks are taping this footage ourselves for the whole world to see on social media.  Streets out of control. Schools out of control. Homes out of control. The media knows all about this. They hold back. They're intentionally not specific about certain details. Why? Because they fear what everyone fears when dealing with blacks as a whole. We blacks are impervious to criticism.  There can never be a 'real' discussion. A fight perhaps. Racists, uncle toms, coons etc, are as simple as someone who disagrees with the black status quo.  How can anyone stand to be so predictable? However, let someone say, "I know what black people think." then  "You're a racist!" "I bet you're a democrat." "You're a racist."  You can't win.

  

6 years ago, I honestly thought there was hope for such matters, but it's even worse now. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but it does matter that it's in fact, acknowledged as a problem, which shockingly, some people don't see it as such. 

Blacks have accomplished more rising up against the restraints of civil violations in past decades. Black History Month talks about some of these people. However, today with all the available opportunities, you would think we had lost that battle.  

If the discussion of race is only about what whites and cops must do, it will remain the growing cancer it's been. If the discussion of race includes what blacks must also do. That's a beginning with a good projection. 

   

Never mind what the intellectuals and the exceptional people say, all you have to do is observe black America to see that we're unimaginably messed up.   And all we can do is cry victimhood, blame the white man, slavery and agree to the indiscernible idea, that we are not smart enough to take care of ourselves and must be treated like a child with special needs.  Hey, it's a tough world. "Only the strong survive." 

The weak makes self exploitive videos and shows it to the whole world. Kill each other over nothing. Call each other niggers and complains when non-niggers use it.  Maybe the coon is YOU.

For the curious

"White Girl Bleed A Lot" is one of many websites, with an embarrassing number of these shaming videos.  FYI, there's as many black websites doing and saying the same thing.   It's easy to attack the messenger, but it's hard to dispute hard evidence, the videos.

https://www.youtube.com/user/BamaFanatic12345/videos

"Miche, What Happened To You On Facebook?" or Fly On The Wall.

It's not like I wasn't aware of what a life suck social media can be.  But it was fun giving a rambling mind somewhere to go. The challenge of speaking my mind in a non confrontational manner became a challenge. A challenge I welcomed.

Yes, I see almost everything through a lens of humor. So it was a great exercise to voice my thoughts daily in such a manner, as weird and vague as I admittedly am.

When it came to 'friends' and interactions, that's when it became clear what an illusion all this time spent really was.  How can you have over a 1000 friends and yet have no friends?  Observing how we now interact with one another was also a sad realization.   Sending birthday greetings to people we don't even know because Facebook hassles us about it.  Grieving a loss (2 days tops) and immediately posting an animal pic or a meme about how sexy we are.  

We all love and like our online illusions, so long as it doesn't cross into real interaction, which is met with skepticism and distrust.  Interesting isn't it?  So some of us try, pledge to leave this cyber world, only to realize that it was like you were never there in the first place. Most of us return. So I'm not leaving exactly. If I'm only talking to myself, I'll just talk to myself.  If I have a ton of non-friends, I may as well be that fly on the wall.  At least I have some of my life back.    

Have You Had A Melt Down Moment On Stage?

As someone whose learned how to think on their feet, wing it and go with the flow, attributes very useful for an entertainer, today I was thinking about those moments when such gifts were nowhere to be found. Those melt down moments in front of an audience.   Never in my 30 plus years performing have I had such an experience and in one year I had two (Not too long ago). Sure I've been frustrated, but it never made it to the stage.  
Once in Memphis at a music convention, there are after hour shows (That is, after all scheduled events) known as "Gorilla Showcases." Musicians spend their days networking, passing around fliers to get people to attend their performances which are held in the artists hotel room. For some people gorilla showcases are the best part of these conventions.  In one evening an artist might perform at several.  7:30 PM in room 205. 8:30 PM in room 517, etc. This particular night I had two.  One at 9:15 PM, which no one attended and another after midnight (12:30). Only one person showed up. Indeed I was disappointed. I was tired and I really didn't feel like playing. I was torn. I didn't know how to give less than my best, but I just didn't have it in me.  One person or many people never mattered to me before. My output was the same. But this night it did matter. I came close to crying because I didn't want to give my best, I was crushed that this was something I had to think about.  Give less?   It was a struggle to push myself to play like I was in front of a full house, but I managed to do it. Professionalism won.

   

A few years later other things were happening in my life. I found myself canceling a lot of local shows.  I'd only play locally if I was asked. On one such show, I made a spectacle of myself. I was just muttering in the microphone like a punch drunk boxer. I wasn't even trying to hide that I shouldn't have been on a stage that night. It was embarrassing.  However, I was consumed with life and it's bad hand I'd been dealt.  I'm sure some folks probably thought I was strung out on drugs. I was certainly acting that way.  No I never indulged in drugs and I was yet to introduce myself to alcohol. (FYI, I never drink in public.) 

On another occasion playing a gig as my alter ego "Alvin Ray Jr",  a hand full of people came to see us, the other folks in the room were there for the other band. By the end of the night, the room was nearly empty.  Disheartened knowing that among other things we'd never get asked back, I'd had enough and didn't give a damn about being professional. Enter the melt down.  "This is our last show. Thank you…"  The guys couldn't believe that I said that over the PA.  It was tacky to say the least.   

I knew it was time to retreat and try to make some needed changes in myself, time to recharge the joy if possible.   The good news?  Now I can say "Been there. Done That."

A New CD? Don't Let This Happen To You. Again.

Oopps!  Here I go again.  I'm writing this as a heads up and a reminder to some of you independent artists who record and make Cds.  I haven't recorded a Cd in five years.  In April, I recorded and released my latest recording,  "Between You and Me."  It's been only a few months and it already seems like the project is done and years old.  I sold as many to my fans via social media as I'm going to.  Sixty-nine (total downloads and hard copies).  Did I mention that I have over 2000 fans?  

Everyone knows that no one is buying music anymore.  Which means that a Cd has strictly a more prominent role. Promotion.  Sadly, promotion is the one area that most artists fail in. We put all of our energy into producing it, but the promotion is left to chance.  I realized that here I am again ready to make the same mistake I've made for every project I've ever done. 

I haven't given any more thought to my latest CD after the few sales halted.  What have I done to promote it?  Have I sent it to radio stations or the press?  "But I can't afford an official manufactured cd with a glossy cover. No one's going to write about a cd with a homemade label."   Legit concerns, but excuses none the less.  

True, effective promotion usually is costly, but I'm sure it would make a huge difference and it would aid in getting more gigs. 

Perhaps I should use kickstarter to raise some money to promote my current CD.  Whatever the case, I need to do something. I need to ask more questions. I need to put as much thought in doing something with this Cd as I did in creating it. Why?  Because nobody else is going to.   

Yup, cds may be items only sold on live gigs, but they are also, more importantly today, a promotional tool.

So yes. My work is cut out for me.  Seriously, I almost forgot about my CD.   Don't let this happen to you. Again. 

Here is my latest:

http://michefambro.bandcamp.com/album/between-you-and-me

http://www.michefambro.com

McDonald's and a Music Career

It's 9:28 AM and I'm really pissed.  Let me back track.  I was invited to stay the night after my house concert in New Jersey. And a wonderful night it was. My plan was to get up at 6 AM and be on the road about 7:30 AM.  "Would you like some coffee or something to eat?"  "That's very kind of you, but I think I'll just get on the road. Thank you though." 

I confess, I don't really care much for McDonald's, but I live for a sausage McMuffin with orange juice and coffee. The goal is always to make sure that you get to a McDonald's drive-thru before 9:30 AM. Well goodie. I'll have plenty of time. 

About 8:30 AM I thought it was time to start looking.  There's an exit ahead indicating a McDonald's, an arrow pointing right, off the exit.  I make the turn.  I see other stuff but no Mickey D's.  Then there's the sign, McDonald's 5 miles ahead. What???  I'm not getting off the road to drive an extra 5 miles for a sausage McMuffin, which I was starting to crave by now.   I got back on the main road.  I was beginning to get anxious. It was getting close to 9 AM.    Miles are zipping by and no Mickey D's.  I could taste that McMuffiin.  I could smell it.  Praise Boris, (whoever that is), another sign for morning mecca, McDonald's.   Turn right off the exit.   

I turn right. It's 9:10. I should be good.   Where the heck is McDonald's? I drive 2 miles, 5 miles, 10 miles?  Logic had left me and so did the GPS after I tossed it out of the window.    I've driven this far. I know I can make it. Surely it's over the crest.

Like my music career, I've invested so many miles and so much time that I can't turn back now.   Then suddenly I pass a McDonald's sign on a bent pole. Was I suppose to turn? I couldn't tell.  I'm hyperventilating. Nothing in sight but a sign for the main road up ahead.  I'm seething.     I found Waldo but not that damn clown.   I get back on the main road. It's 9:25 AM. There was no way I'd beat the deadline.  My composure and inhibitions left me. My language was affected as well. I was F***ING PISSED!  Or if you prefer, J'ÉTAIS FOU COMME MERDE! Excuse my french.  I'm back on the main road.  Behold!  McDonald signs were popping up everywhere. Like it was rubbing it in my face. I desperately wanted to pull up to a McDonald's and hope to get one of those clerks that don't smile and have a permanent scowl on their face, and when they greet you with "What do you want?"  I respond "YOU THINK YOU GOT F***ING PROBLEMS??!!!!"   

I was filled with hate and resentment every time I'd see a McDonald's sign.  I was bitter.  Now I'll have to walk in a dunkin donuts with a REAL bad attitude. Which was so unfortunate for the fresh faced, bubbly clerk.  "Hello [smile]. What can I get for you today?"  

"WILL YOU JUST GIVE ME A G**DAMN HAM, CHEESE AND EGG CROISSANT!" 

It frightens me that this sounds so much like my career. :)


Ps. I was just informed that breakfast served until 10:30 am.
Dang! Well just like I said, it's like my music career.

But I Don't Want To Be Peter Lawford

I was trying to understand why I found myself stating my disappointments of late, regarding my music life.  It's annoying to most and it's generally not seen as professional.  Aside from the fact that Facebook is a narcotic, most folks recognize that the music landscape has turned upside down.  We applaud the fact that record companies aren't even a second thought anymore, except if you're a young hip-hop artist or a young booty, buxom beauty that can hold a microphone and let the engineers do the rest.

Being an independent artist is the norm these days. Using social media to build an audience, promote shows etc, is what we're all trying to do.  People like what they like, and unlike record companies, people directly aren't as discriminating about age, beauty or even quality.  This is a good thing. If an artist has any hope, it's because the fans want what they are creating.  Sadly, music fans have become dormant and passive. The reasons are understandable.  But artists have a serious problem before them.  If no one is buying their music, why should they produce it?  Because they love it?  Again, If no one is buying music, why are the studios, studio musicians, cd manufacturers, etc., still charging?  Because they don't love what they do?    

It was always seen as unprofessional to talk about our hardships except if you've already achieved fame or someone is talking about you on "Mysteries & Scandals.”  You have to be dead, of course. The thing that has been most frustrating to me is the formality that I have to be silent and pretend that I'm not effected by the lack of tangible support.  There's nothing to hide behind anymore.  If I don't sell a CD, I can't blame the retail stores for placing it in a bad spot. Are we not selling our music because our fans simply don't want it?  I don't really think that's the case. However, I am clueless and puzzled as to what the actual reasons are. Maybe fans don't know the details of today’s musician’s woes.  We spend (a lot) more, and we get nothing in return but debt and anecdotes from people who make their money from other sources.

This has never been an easy business.  I think it's more difficult today, because while it used to be some talent agency or music “authority” who would convince fans to support artists, now it’s entirely up to the artists themselves. Most of us don't have the skills or financial resources to take on this task. The least I can do is talk about it and stop pretending that this is business as usual. Things are different. Very different. We're all stumped.  But there's one thing that hasn't changed - in fact, it's more clear than ever.   If any artist has a chance, it's because you, the fan, values what they do - and lets them know.

ps. I'll be asking for your dough in a few weeks.   :)

www.michefambro.com