Lieutenant Commander’s Log # 4

The 3 weeks on the ‘Color Line Magic’ ship went rather quickly.  I recalled liking ‘Color Line Magic’ more than the sister ship, ‘Color Line Fantasy’, but I didn’t exactly remember the details of why. It’s been a year since my last contract. It took only a day to be reminded of the details. I’ll elaborate later.  

There were a few familiar faces.  The ships entertainment coordinator is quite animated and fun.  The entertainers are usually asked to board the ship around 10am, and to meet in the Cabaret Lounge. There, you’ll meet the coordinator and given instructions.  Sound check is around 1pm.  The rooms are available after 2pm.  The rooms may or may not be cleaned and ready for full entry.  “The rooms will be cleaned between 2pm and 7pm.”   Showtime is 7:40pm.  

And of course, someone from the cleaning crew will show up 7:00 when you’ve given up waiting and decide to take a shower and ‘what not’ to get ready for the show.  [Knock knock] dripping from the shower. You open the door. “I’m here to clean your room.”  “I’m getting ready for my show, can you give me 10mins?”  I thought 10mins was generous on my part.  “I don’t have 10 mins.”    Now I’m grumbling to myself.  “Ok, 5mins.”  He walks away. I’m out in 5 mins.  First day, that was annoying.

Teaching first time Color Line musician, Aurel, the ropes was fun. But there were a few things I failed to remember. “Huh, I thought laundry was on the 5th floor.”

Since the majority of the crew are Norwegians, every other day when the ship docks in Oslo, crew members are either leaving for a 1 or 2 week break or arriving on the ship from their break. I’m always wondering if someone I know will arrive. Indeed, one such friend did arrive. She works in the clothing shop. It didn’t take her long to add to her list of outrageous stories. Like on her first night back, a guy walks in the store threatening to buy something, then he dropped his pants in front of her, exposing everything.  She’s not the squeamish type.  “I’ve seen it all before.”   She mentioned that inebriated men often will try out clothes in the dressing areas, stripping down to nothing, while leaving the curtain open or half open in the full view of their hardware. Or software.  The old ladies feign being disgusted.  Another guy kisses her hand and then gets back-handed by his wife. My friend’s a character. I’ve noticed how men seem to flock to her, not because she’s sexy, but because, in my observation, she has an old school understanding of men.  She makes them feel like a man instead of a male.  She has a Zsa Zsa Gabor thing about her.  She’s very sweet.

I personally don’t feel like the entertainers are treated well in the bar. It bugs me that I can only get a glass of water if no one is in the room. You know, we’re only the one’s who’s entertaining those who care, and I’m singing 5 sets a night, 7 seven days a week for 6 weeks per average contract.  Sure I can bring my own water, but it’s the principle. Yeah, I bring my own water now.

On a positive note, the staff in bar have expressed a sincere liking to what Aurel and I are doing.  They were surprised and disappointed that our contract was only for three weeks before our heading over to the other ship for 5 weeks. “Give me some water, I’ll come back.”   One of the highlights and the reason why we may have been scheduled for such an odd schedule this time of year could be because the owner’s son wanted me there for his Christmas party. I played for his gathering last year.  I’m speculating.  Last year, he pulled me aside and said many many nice things.  The top brass never does that, because, “That’s what we pay you for.” That was a real surprise.    This year, I recognized the whole gang. All dressed with class and elegance. Most clamored around the piano.  They made it clear their appreciation for what I do, they were also equally impressed and charmed by Aurel. Turns out, the owner’s son is a jazz pianist himself. It was a fun weekend. With descriptions like “World class.”  I mean... I was happy and humbled.   Unfortunately, “World class” can’t get you a glass of water these days.  :)

Now to the next ship, Color Line Fantasy.  Things got off to a rough start. I mean, day 1.   No one to greet us.   We have to track down the sound man. 

I admit, I find Color Line Magic to be a friendlier, less strict environment.  In my earlier posts, I praised their ‘state of the art’ sound system and being extremely pleased with the monitors. That’s all changed. On both ships. Color Line Magic now uses an old Bose system. It’s terrible. The Bose system is ok for close proximity gigs. But it’s hardly high quality.  I couldn’t even get a monitor wedge. I was not a happy camper as it would take a lot skill and thought not to damage my voice because I can’t hear myself as any singer should. Now why aren’t they using their ‘state of the art’ system? Probably because people complain that they can’t hear themselves talk. “Don’t give the musicians water. That will teach em.” 

I survived, but it was more work than it should have been.  I was hoping Color Line Fantasy would be better. From the outset it appeared to be better. No Bose system.  However it was worse.  While they did use the quality house system, the ceiling monitor was far from where I needed it to be. This wouldn’t be a problem if they could turn up the volume. But no...  I pleaded for a monitor wedge, which can effect to overall sound if the monitor is too loud or loud enough to please a singer. Reluctantly they gave me a wedge. It’s almost useless as they won’t turn it up to where I want it. Need it?   You can only hear yourself when the room half full or less.   

During the sound check, the club manager came running over to us and indignantly demanded us to turn it down. If a room is empty, normal, reasonable volumes will seem louder than what it would be if even a few people are in the room. Apparently, all of his experience (of over 40 years probably.)  didn’t teach him this.  The sound man encouraged us to ignore him and continue. The winds were out of my sails.  We haven’t even started the gig yet. AND get this. The bar staff have decibel meters, ready to throw you in the brig if you play even a little over the meter. 5 weeks huh?

Finally after the sound check, we could head to our rooms. Aurel and I were both tired.  What we experienced next was a shock to humanity. :)

My room was so nasty, it was hard to believe that someone could do this, knowing someone will be next in that room to observe it.   Dirty dishes they didn’t return to the mess. Dirty towels, scattered about on the floor and in the bathroom.  There were dirty towels under the bed. I couldn’t believe it. 

I never looked in the toilet, but I was told by the staff cleaner (a very nice gentleman from Colombia), that I was lucky not to have seen what they left in it.  Aurel’s room was almost as bad. They left a dozen or so dirty dishes in his room.  Aurel, not as passive as I can be, took action. He took pictures and reported it. Eventually, I left my room, walk down the corridor passing 5 doors, found the closet with room supplies grabbed a bag, came back to my room and stuffed it with 15 dirty towels that were all scattered on the floor and under the bed.  

We musicians are largely responsible for all the rules and regulations we despise. Some joker left an empty bottle of vodka in his room.  Probably the alien that was in my room. We are not allowed to have alcohol...     Day 1 was brutal.    Let me stop. I’m thirsty.