Lieutenant Commander’s Log #5 (The Dagger)

Things on the ship have smoothed out a bit.  I’m working hard not to stress my voice. Rest is very important. I was extremely tired when I first got on the ship. For a month on the other ship, no matter what time I’d go to bed, I’d wake up at 2am and I’d just stay up because it was pointless working very hard at trying to sleep. 

Surprisingly, more people are coming to the lounge to hear the music. One waiter decided that because the audience expressed such surprise and satisfaction with the show, he’d reward us with premium ‘Purezza water.’ Delivered in a champagne bucket with ice.  Sparkling for Aurel and ‘still’ for me. “You’re making the people very happy. You deserve it”.   Wow. Only six or eight countries in the world have this water. Norway being one of them. You wouldn’t believe how good this water is. Even at room temperature.     

The other day I was standing on the promenade while folks were crowding to leave the ship for some Kiel shopping and Kiel cold air.  While standing, a gentleman of distinct character, asked me where I was from.  “I’m from the states.”  “You have family in Sri Lanka.” No.  “Is your grandfather from Sri Lanka?” No.  “Is your grandfather’s grandfather from Sri Lanka?”   No.  I was tempted to say, ”My grandmother is from Sri Lanka.”  My hair confuses people. Most folks think I’m from Brazil.  Before I could say anything, he started going in on Donald Trump. “His wife is an immigrant...” Frankly, I took this job to escape the 24/7 Trumpia.   Then he said “Yes America...”  He then opened up his bag from the Tax- Free store and pulled out a large metal canister of Jack Daniels.  I was standing while holding a cup of coffee. He kept insisting that he pore some whiskey in my coffee. Then he pulled the bottle from the canister. Opened it. Pored some in the little cap and kept trying to put it my coffee.  I guess that was kind of him to try to get me fired by one of ship spies.   :)  From his looks, I’m guessing he was from Sri Lanka.

  

If I hear one more music producer, promoter, record company exec say, “We don’t know what to do with him...” I’m gonna...

Seriously, this has been the story of my life. It’s one thing to just be another talented person of many. However, people who have seen me perform feel totally different. When has being able to entertain and having fun with an audience become a questionable thing. Is this not the entertainment business?

I am not exaggerating. I have sat and played in front of these big shots who say things like “You should be famous.” “You’re world class” You’re this and you’re that.  I’m like, well here I am.   Then it’s the, “We don’t know what to do with you.”  How about get me in front of an audience and let the audience enjoy the moments of my passion. Let the audience dictate my place.  They’re not the one’s complaining. They’re like me, wondering what’s up with you so called music people. This used to frustrate me.  Now it makes me angry that after all these years I still hear this. I’m so determined to matter while I’m still on this earth. It’s not about wanting or feeling that I should be big or famous, etc. It’s trying to make sense of these mixed messages.   It’s very confusing to say the least. 

* One little story I have to mention, was observing two young people smitten with each other having some small talk outside of the mess. This was a real conversation. It was about 3pm. The ship left the dock.

He: Are you back?”

She: Yeah.

[Clearly she was back]

She: Cool. Are you here?

He: Yeah.  

[Clearly she’s here.]

I don’t know about them, but I felt awkward.   :)